Tuesday, June 07, 2005

He really is....


Words crumble out of my mouth
And shatter on the floor
It all seems meaningless
And I want something more
I look up and there you are
In colors only known to heaven

You are beautiful
More than I can say
You take my breath
You sweep me away

Stars hung across the sky by your hand
Your breath like mist over water
Your eyes shine as the sun
I look out and there you are
In music only known to heaven

You are beautiful
More than I can say
You take my breath
You sweep me away

What’s left of this soul is now
A puddle of tears
And understanding only a figment
Of my imagination
But I look in and there you are
In love only known to heaven

You are beautiful
More than I can say
You take my breath
You sweep me away

by me :)

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

But really think about it...

I heard a great message tonight at the Annex. It was about:

1. Loving God more than anyone else
2. Forsaking all that you have
3. Being willing to die for the cause

It hit me hard because I find myself going through life pretty selfishly. Do I really love God more than my friends and family? Luke 14:26 says, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." I mean, wow! What does this mean - you have to hate your friends and family to be a disciple of Jesus? At church they put it like this: "Your love for others must be like HATE compared to your love for God!" It sounds like a crazy requirement, but God knows that our affections here will get us in trouble. Man, I want to be that passionate in my love for God! I want HIM to be my obsession, not people or things.

"Whoever does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:33 Oh, sure I've given him what I have. But Phil. 3:7-9 says, "I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as GARBAGE, so that I may have Christ and become one with him." Wow, you mean I have to count all I have as GARBAGE?? I guess nothing I own lasts forever anyways. Compared to knowing Jesus, does it really matter if I get a new car or a new job or excell in anything for that matter? Because if I don't know Him, nothing in life really is worth anything. It's something to think hard about...

And the last part about dying for the cause is a hard one. What if you DO die standing up for what you believe in? What if God calls you to go to a foreign country (where it's pretty dangerous) to tell the people about him? Are you not going to go just because you're scared for your life? What if God doesn't pull you out of the deep struggle you are in? What if you have cancer and He doesn't heal you? Will you give up on Him? Will you say, "Forget this Christianity stuff!" Who are you living for anyway - yourself or your God?

For those of you who are wondering what all this means, just know that life is either black or white. You are either for God or against him, you cannot straddle the fence. God wants all of you. Not the part of you that is comfortable with it. I don't mean to say it's all hard. Coming to know God is the most satisfying thing you could ever do. God wants you to chose Him. He loves you and wants to give you this amazing life. But you have to be willing to go through the yucky stuff for Him too. In the end you'll be so glad you did. (I'm talking to me here too!!)

Okay, I'll stop now. But really think about it...

So this is me...


Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Know your God

Aggressive, intoxicating peace.

That's what I want. And it comes from knowing my God. Not from going to church. Not from singing the songs. Not even from doing this whole Christianity thing. Just knowing my God. When the world caves in all around us, just know Him. When it seems like you're going under and the water is suffocating you, just know your God. Let Him show up. Let Him love you. He will. Nothing else matters.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

"I'll meet you at the crossroads..."

I'll meet you at the crossroads
where your life joins mine
We'll walk together
lifting up, holding out, loving
in ways that most don't understand
I'll meet you at the crossroads
when life gets tough
You won't have to worry I won't be there
my arms are strong enough to help hold
a broken heart
I'll meet you at the crossroads
where distance tackles time
Internet, cell phones, old-fashioned letters
Nothing seems to take the place
of the tangible warmth of your smile
I'll meet you at the crossroads
of life's final journey
Where we find God's hand
lifted up, held out, loved,
Leading us to a find the most cherished gift
of each other

To all my "cherished gifts" in college: I love you all and am so blessed by your love and life for God. I am so glad He lead us to "meet at the crossroads." My life has been forever changed.

P.S. Thank you, Jamie, for the reminder! You are precious!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

God brought me flowers!

So as many of you know, it's been sooo crazy at work for me. I get home every night and just collapse. I feel numb and find myself asking God to please show me glimpses of his love throughout the day because I need it to go on like this. Well, I want to tell you a story...

My day consists of constantly working on floor charts, moving girls into this room, changing that suite out to a different one, shifting a whole floor of girls to a different building. And the paper work... piles and piles... Every change I make has to be put down on forms and put into the computer. I have to keep track of the total of how many are signed up every single day. And believe me, it changes constantly. Well, I have girls coming to me 24/7, freaking out about wanting this room with this girl, or wanting an empty suite. At this point, you could probably guess that there's hardly any way I can grant everyone's request. Especially when people come by, or call, or stop me every time I walk across campus to sign up for their beloved room. Even when I'm eating dinner in the so-called safetly of my apartment students call me asking me about it. It's really getting hysterical when I go to church just to get off campus and escape (and worship God of course), and someone from CSU is THERE, and they get my attention and ask about signing up for a room!!!!

Okay, that's not even the story yet. My story starts when these four freshmen girls stopped by a couple of weeks ago and asked if they could get a suite together for next semester. You know the routine... Obviously there are no empty suites laying around. I tell them that it probably wouldn't happen, but that I would put their names on a list and do the very best I could do to work it out. These girls are so sweet. They said over and over that they know I'm doing so much and that it's okay, but if it was at all possible they would like that very much. Well, they stopped by last week just to check and see if anything changed. I told them the situation was the same, but that I would still try. Well, yesterday I realized a room opened up and if I moved this girl here, and that girl there, and called these people to see if they wanted to move here, then maybe it'd work out. So I worked on it all afternoon and this morning. Finally it all fell into place. I called the girls and told them the good news. They were very happy. Little did I know how happy... A couple of hours later, all four of them showed up with a bouquet of flowers and a bag of candy! They said they wanted me to know how much it meant to them for me to help them! I almost cried! The first thing that came to my mind was, "God loves me and sees me. He wants me to know that my hard work is not in vain."

So, if you have never believed that God can literally send you flowers, now you should! And even when it seems like nothing you ever do is noticed or cared about, God notices and cares so much! What an answer to prayer and the highlight of my week! All the yuckiness isn't so bad to face after all...

Thursday, April 21, 2005

As minutes drag by...

I am thankful for days like these. Really. In the midst of chaos and confusion at the end of a college semester, I cherish when a quiet day slips up on me. Of course when it is quiet, my mind starts to wander and think of the days when I will soon be seeing the ethnic beauty of Scotland and England. And then I feel as if each minute could not go by any faster. I look at my watch every five minutes and it is still three hours before work is over for the day! And this is just a day! I have six months to go before I leave the country on my tour.

And then there are days when I don't even have five minutes to write a thank you note for a supporter or mail out a letter about my sponsorship. I'm going here and there and everywhere with work, signing people up for rooms, getting RA stuff ready for next year, and of course fighting the boss battles. ;) I get in bed after midnight and just lay there with my thoughts running around all over the place. I wonder if I'll ever get anything done before I leave.

I guess being busy will come and go, but what I really wish is that I could be a little more content in where I am. I want to savor the time I have left in Charleston, because I don't know if I'll be back or not. I don't want to go through each day daydreaming about my future instead of focusing on what's at hand. I could miss out on what God has for me yet to learn before I leave.

More than anything, I pray for an open mind and a open heart. I pray for eyes to see truth in my chaos. I pray for endurance as these minutes drag by...

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Sorry it's been a while

I know I haven't updated in a while, but it's been really crazy here. Between working on my support letters for my trip, going to Raleigh last weekend, working on "room signups" and RA interviews at work, there hasn't been time for anything! Yeah, my brain is basically frazzled. It's okay though. Summer is fast approaching, and before we know it it'll be fall and time to leave for Europe! (Wow, that's so weird!) But what to do afterwards is the question... Stay in Charleston? Move to Raleigh with my college friends? Did someone mention Nashville?? And I've always wanted to go to Colorado... Yeah, I know, I'm a big dreamer - but hey, it's allowed! Anything is possible at this point in my life. I'm not married or settled somewhere, so I have the freedom to do these things. Now I'm just waiting, resting, and trusting. It'll all fall into place in due time.

Here's a theological question for you that's been on my mind during this process. Is there one plan that God has for your life that He wants you to pursue (doesn't have to mean you follow it)? Or is it that you can't do anything out of His "will" since you are His child, so chose whatever you want to do? These things lead to other questions, so I know that to answer one of those would mean you'd have to think a little bigger, but that's okay. It seems I've been confronted with these things since I've been in the "I don't know where I'm going after this job" phase. I know what I believe - what God has shown me to be true in my life - but I don't want to be close minded. I'm interested in knowing what you believe about this. Feel free to comment or email me or ask questions. This is just for discussion only. Thought it'd be interesting. :)

Well, that's about it! Hope to hear from y'all soon!